So I think I know why I love sex.

It's almost like I'm trying to get back what I lost. When I was raped, the ability to see, feel sex as something coming from a caring place, from love, was lost to me. The only feelings I can feel in regards to sex are those that identity with rape. Lust? Sure. power? Of course. Pure carnal satisfaction? Duh. All those can identify with rape. I enjoy sex, I love it - but I think the reason for my almost insatiable sex drive isn't love for the pleasure I get from sex, but this...quest, almost, of trying to recover the ability to have sex that could be love. As if every time I have sex, there's a chance to fix what he broke. A hunger to get that bit of feeling, of love back into my life. I'm enjoying the sex in the meantime, but really, even it if means I do regain the sex drive of a normal girl, I want to be able to feel during sex.