I'm sometimes ok.

Every night is not a battle. Every moment of my life is not haunted. I actually consider myself a happy person. When I think of my life, I think of the happy times. I try to appreciate small gestures, simple beauty, everyday moments. Most of the time, I am happy. I can't say that I feel like my life is worth living by any measure; I can't say that I am afraid of or dread dying, or that I haven't thought of ending it myself.  However, I have enjoyed the time I've had, and most of the time I plan on enjoying the rest of the time I'm given. I enjoy my life. I have days, nights, weeks when I worry about nothing more than any college student (probably less). Yet these nights do creep up, when something triggers one issue or the other and the feelings overwhelm me. This blog will probably reflect that. It will sometimes be about the rape; it will sometimes be about Caylee. Sometimes it may be my feelings during an episode, when I am absorbed in grief or when I believe every horrible thing I could possibly think about myself. Sometimes it will be me trying to figure out these feelings, and, more importantly, how to put them to rest. This blog may seem completely fractured. It will, I'm sure, be updated sporadically,  probably at night since that's when the thinking is usually the worst. I'm hoping it will show or lead to progress; however, I'm starting it because I've been getting worse and worse and so it might reflect that instead. But I'm trying to move on with my life, and I'm trying to be the person that Tray wants me to be. So that's what I'm hoping to find.