I do miss her though.

I miscarried at about 5 weeks. I was 15; I was in no way ready to have a baby. But I wanted her anyway. I didn't set out to have a kid; I didn't want A kid. I wanted her. I felt different when I was pregnant. I missed my period, and I'd had scares before, but about a week or two in, I knew this was different. You know how they say pregnant women glow? I felt like I was glowing. Like my heart was suddenly so happy I turned into a living night light. I could feel it. And I loved her. As soon as I felt her I loved her, and I knew in that second she mattered more to me than anyone or anything else in my life. I would have done anything for her. She became my purpose for living. Not that she took over it, but that as soon as I felt her I recognized that she was the greatest thing I could ever hope to achieve; she was what I was living for. So when I lost her, she took that with her. I still miss her, so, so much. Some days it feels hard to breathe knowing that I'm living without her. I feel like I have no more motivation to live; she was it. She was the reason I was alive. Now she's gone. I don't know which is worse - missing her, or the void she left behind.