I have survivor's guilt.

Which is really dumb because no one died. I just...whenever I do something cool, something I'm lucky to be able to do - specifically, my college had a formal at an awesome loft place in downtown Chicago - and I realized how few people will get the chance to do something like that. And I felt privileged. But not in a good "I'm so lucky to be able to have this experience" way. But in a "God, I don't deserve this at all" way. In a "someone who didn't do this awful thing that I (had happen to me?) (really didn't do?) allowed to happen...actually deserves this" kind of way. It makes it really hard to enjoy things, when you feel guilty for even being there. And you know, it's weird that I feel this way. Because I would never tell anyone else who'd been raped, assaulted, had almost any sort of hardship that they didn't deserve something because it had happened. So I don't know why I don't deserve it. I can tell you I don't though. I told my friend that I don't feel like my life has meaning. He responded by insisting every life has meaning. Which I 150% agree with (and have told my friend more than once when she was feeling particularly close to the edge)....but I still can't say that mine does. Why?