I hate you sometimes.

I hate you because before you, I knew I was fucked up. And I knew that I would fuck up everyone around me. So I made a decision a long time ago that I didn't want kids because I would fuck them up, and I don't want to put a child through that. And I knew it was for the best and I was fine with it, knowing I was doing better by any future children I might have had by simply not having them. But you had to come around and want kids and maybe even a future with me. And you had to make me happy enough that I want a future with you, and now maybe I want that future where we can be together and have kids and we can all be happy. But the problem is I'm still fucked up, and so I don't know that that happy future exists. But now thanks to you, I want it anyway. And worse, you want it too, so once again, it's not just me who's going to be disappointed.