i swear to god i just cant get away from this stress

quote of the day

tray and i are going through symptoms of depression
him: "im waiting for one of them that doesnt remind me of you"

i want to tell someone

im tired of feeling like im hiding this. i am not ashamed.

i want these days to stop

usually theres some break, some good day in between or some period of days that, at least, arent bad.

every day this past week or so has been bad.
really bad.
why has it been so hard lately.

i want nothing more than you to be out of this

you deserve SO MUCH better. you go through so much and you dont even realize. your feelings are stepped on and disregarded and manipulated. you are taken advantage of emotionally and sexually, and you dont feel like you are worth enough to deserve any better. i want nothing more than for that to change.

i. fuck. up. everything.

like, im not talking major life decisions. im just talking everyday things. simple things. that shouldn't be hard. and all i do is mess them up.

i just want to curl in a ball and cry

i just dont know anymore

i cant do anything without fucking it up. seriously? four classes shouldnt be hard. why do i fuck everything up?

still sad.

very, very sad. i should really stay away from stuff about rape.

sad this morning

about what? don't know. but very, very sad.

i feel like i've done something wrong

i dont know why, but i have that really guilty feeling i get when ive messed something up. i feel like i deserved to be punished. as a result its been really hard to not talk to steve on fb when i see him on, because of course thats the smart thing to do. ugh. whats wrong with me.

Cue major depressive episode

I have the chance to meet three bears players for free and a bunch more for $60.

I haven't had sex in days and I should be horny as fuck.

I have a class that I'm actually really interested in and I'm behind.

I should care about at least one of these things.

And all I want to do is sleep.

why am i such a bitch

get the fuck over yourself, seriously. stop being such a fucking brat. just shut up.

The most confusing thing is I really want to have sex

Especially at the beginning. Goddamn do I want to have sex! Then it's a little bit in and I just want to run away.  But part of me is like "no, I still want sex" and I don't know if that part always wins because it's stronger or because I don't want to make tray stop.I'm really not sure.

I can't be touched right now

I don't know what's wrong. Lately I've really really really wanted sex but after we start I don't want to anymore. Sometimes it goes away, sometimes it doesn't (though it seems to come back afterwards either way) usually I feel scared or sad or sometimes just really overwhelmed, but right now I just.....I don't know what I feel. Something's up because I feel completely empty, except forthese little cracks. then I can tell I'm really upset. I don't kno why though. I do know that I don't want to be touched right now. Good thing tray fell asleep quickly tonight. I don't feel like talking about it.
The only thing I noticed is that I am really bad at letting the muscles in my vagina relax. I just can't seem to do it. Id be willing to bet that has something to do with me not being able to orgasm, that I can't let g

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