starting anti-depressants. it's probably a good step, given how i am now diagnosed as, i believe she said seriously, depressed. but the thing is....as far as i can tell, i was depressed even in highschool, meaning, much of my remembered life, much of the time when i considered me to be "me," i was depressed. i dont know how to not be depressed. what if this changes who i am?
which, of course, these thoughts turned my last unmedicated night into a breakdown the likes of which i havent had in a while. the fact that i had left my toothbrush on the bed made me cry. it was bad. probably also proved why i should be medicated.
i feel like im eating my last meal. i had a horrible night where i only wanted to be held and instead slept on the opposite end of the bed from tray, and he was sleeping funny so then his back hurt when he woke up, which is my fault :( so night sucked, waking up was pretty bad. speech went fine, but hey - i cried 3 times in the past 3 days (toothbrush, therapy, girl who cried during my DI). it just has not been good.
at least my last meal is tasty
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
really gotta stop using sex/kink as a coping mechanism
i've been doing this more and more lately. i don't want to mix the two til to the point where i can't tell the difference anymore....
Monday, February 4, 2013
theres something safe in feeling used
sometimes i wonder how much of me likes sex just because then i feel like he has a reason to keep me around
Sunday, February 3, 2013
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